


Nightmates of the Past

by moodygoat



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Dreams and Nightmares, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, How Do I Tag, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Poor Bucky Barnes, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Steve Rogers, Sad with a Happy Ending, Top Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:34:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22162639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moodygoat/pseuds/moodygoat
Summary: Bucky was finally back. Back from HYDRA and back from Wakanda.The Avengers just defeated Thanos, almost loosing Natasha and Tony, but they worked it out. Everyone was living in The Avengers Tower now.Bucky at first wasn't sure about it. Yeah, obviously he wanted to live wth his friends. With Steve.But he didn't want to hurt Tony. He was not a hero. He was just some brainwashed killing mashine, a weapon, designed to accomplish a task.But because of how stubborn Steve is and also because that the team started to love Bucky so much, he's living with them now.He's an Avenger now.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Kudos: 65





	Nightmates of the Past

Bucky was finally back. Back from HYDRA and back from Wakanda.

The Avengers just defeated Thanos, almost loosing Natasha and Tony, but they worked it out. Everyone was living in The Avengers Tower now.

Bucky at first wasn't sure about it. Yeah, obviously he wanted to live wth his friends. With Steve.

But he didn't want to hurt Tony. He was not a hero. He was just some brainwashed killing mashine, a weapon, designed to accomplish a task.

But because of how stubborn Steve is and also because that the team started to love Bucky so much, he's living with them now.

He's an Avenger now.

-

Yet, life is hard.

Sure, he got along with the Avengers. He was a part of the team, of the family. Everyone saw a victim in him. Because yes, he was a victim.

However he couldn't help and think otherwise. The erased memories of The Winter Soldier accomplishing his tasks were coming back. Painfully. Mostly in the nights; in the form of night terrors. He was switching back and forth from himself and The Winter Soldier.

After he got back from Wakanda, the scientists that were working on him told Steve and Bucky that The Winter Soldier will be there for some time, and then he will just disappear. Sadly, it was taking a lot of time. But Bucky had Steve. And he couldn't be more thankful for that.

Wakanda's scientists also told them about his memories. He remembered everything that happend before he fell off of the train. But since HYDRA was wiping the memories of The Winter Soldier's missions, they will be coming back. Painfully.

Steve was determined to help Bucky. He hadn't moved on. He always loved and will love Bucky. He didn't care about anything.

Barnes remembered the war. That's when they got together. So when Steve talked with him about it in Wakanda he was more than happy. To have something- or someone- back from when he was able to sleep at night.

-

He was walking through a cemetery. Or was he? He looked around. Yes, he definitely was. But what the hell he was doing here? In the middle of the night?

It was so dark, yet he was able to see the graves. He started reading the names on them. He didn't know who were those people. But he was sure that the graves weren't normal. On every one of them was a name, last sentence of the dead person and the name of their killer.

A killer.

None of the people lying here died from an accident, natural reasons or similiar. Bucky furrowed his brows. 'What the hell?' he thought.

He was alone and afraid. Walking through the weird cemetery in the middle of the night. What the hell he was doing here?

Did Steve kicked him out? Did he do something wrong? Yes, it had to be it. He is always doing everything wrong.

Passing by the graves he noticed that the name of the killer was very familiar on each grave. Or even... the same. He started getting more and more scared.

The brunette started turning around. Bucky decided to read the name of the killer. Something was defenitely wrong here, he needed to know what. As he started reading the name it started getting colder. Wind started blowing.

No. It wasn't a name. It was... oh no. Oh god...

The Winter Soldier.

His eyes widened. He couldn't breathe. It felt like air was avoiding him. Everything was spinning, his vision blurry. Did it start raining? No. It defenietely didn't. He was crying. He let out a heartbreaking sob.

Little did he know, that this sound had woke someone up.

He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. Bucky started to read subtitles on the graves. Last words.

'Please!' God, no...

'Help!' Stop this...

'Kill me, not her, not my daughter!' Please...

'Mommy!' You need to stop this...

The wind started blowing so hard, he could hardly stand.

'Please, don't!' Stop this, please.

'Sergeant Barnes.' The air left him again.

He can't do this anymore. The pain his chest was too much for him.

"Stop this now!" he shouted. The wind stopped, but it didn't mean it was warmer. No. It was even colder.

He wanted to leave, god, he wanted to leave so bad. He wanted to leave the cemetery full of people he had murdured.

But he couldn't. There was no escape.

He found himself standing in the middle of the cemetery. A grave in front of him. He didn't wanted to read, but...

What was written on the grave broke him.

Steven Grant Rogers also known as Captain America

'You're hurting us, Buck. You're hurting me. And to think that I ever loved you... That I wanted to love you. But you're just a brainwashed machine, a weapon. A monster. Who would want to love this? No one. And defenitely... Not me.'

The Winter Soldier

Bucky needed to breathe, but it was impossible. The feeling in his stomach and throat made him want to throw up, but he couldn't. His legs to give out, but they didn't. He wanted to cry and scream, but nothing was coming out of his throat.

He turned around. The cemetery was empty. He was standing in a woods now. It was so dark... Yet he could see someone before him. And god, he wished he couldn't.

A little girl.

A little girl in a white dress.

A little girl in a white dress with long black hair.

A little girl in a white dress with long black hair holding a teddy bear.

She was smilling.

Bucky looked closer at her.

He knows her... Or... No. He doesn't know her. He saw her before. For a brief second.

She was a Winter Soldier's victim.

Bucky held his breath.

As he looked closer, he noticed... she was covered in blood and dirt.

She giggled, stepping closer to him.

The girl looked at him more serious now. She couldn't be older than seven years old.

"Why did you kill my mommy?" asked the white dressed girl. Bucky gulped.

He was sure as hell he was screaming his lungs out, but nothing was coming out of him.

Oh, little did he know it was.

"Why?!" the girl screamed. Her eyes turned black.

It all happened so fast. She attacked him, but before he could do anything, he wasn't in the cold woods anymore.

-

"Bucky, hey, hey..." he heard a soothing voice. The voice he loved so much.

-

Steve woke up to a sob. He was used to wake up from the slightest sound and shuffle, he was in the army after all.

But now, he was sleeping in an alerted way. He knew about Bucky's situation and he certainly didn't wanted Bucky to go through that alone.

The blonde sat up quicky, looking at his right side.

Bucky was curled up in a ball hugging his pillow tightly, crying. Steve furrowed his brows in sadness. Those moments were always breaking his heart.

The metal in his arm was shifting, making itself harder and normal every few seconds.

Normally you shouldn't wake someone up when they're having a nightmare, but not waking Bucky up could lead to night terrors and even worse.

"Bucky, hey, hey..." he shook brunette's shoulders gently. The former assasin took in a sharp breath, sitting up with wide eyes, full of fear.

The blonde sat in front of his lover. He didn't touch him. It could lead to bad things like The Winter Soldier feeling the need to protect himself. They wouldn't want that to happen.

Bucky just sat there, taking in rapid breaths, fighting the monster in his mind. Steve felt physical pain watching his beloved like this. But he couldn't do anything. And maybe that fact was hurting the most.

The brunette's breathing started getting more and more controlled. Hot tears started streaming down his face again. He looked down. He has won the fight for the control of his body.

Steve sighed and scooted closer to his lover hesitantly. He put his arm around the brunette's shoulders.

When Bucky leaned against the blonde, he knew it was him. Not The Winter Soldier.

"Oh Buck..." Steve whispered. That's when something snapped. Bucky burst out into tears, hiding his face in blonde's chest.

Steve pulled Bucky onto his lap, holding him close and rocking them back and fourth slightly. Whispering sweet nothings into other's ear.

"What happend out there?" the blonde asked softly after a while, when the other had calmed down. "I-I w-was on a-a c-cemetery..." he started, his voice hoarse from all the crying. "I... I-I killed s-so many-y of the-em, S-Steve!" he started crying again, but the blonde just hushed him.

"You know you didn't." Steve stated softly, yet still sternly. "It was them. And you know it." he finished.

"I'm so weak..." Bucky mumbled. Steve furrowed his brows. "You know it's actually not true, right? I don't think I actually know anyone who could go through the same horror you did." the blonde stated.

"Nat." the brunette murmured. "What was that, love?" Steve asked softly. He heard what Bucky said, but he wanted to get him to talk more. He knew it was calming for the other.

"Nat could." Bucky smiled. "She can probably do everything." he chuckled sleepily. "Yeah. She's... she's Nat." Steve smiled too.

A few minutes had passed, both of them sitting quietly. Well, Bucky was trying to stay awake for Steve, but his plan wasn't really working out. He was almost asleep when he heard the blonde whisper softly "I love you."

"I love you too." Bucky mumbled, falling asleep. Steve smiled.

Yeah, getting back was defenitely hard.

But remember, nothing's impossible.

Especially if you have someone by your side.

**Author's Note:**

> come and say hi on my [twitter!](https://twitter.com/marudnakoza)  
> (a lot of ships and fandoms situations going on there)


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